I walked into this store the other day, and I kid you not, they had this beaming sign like a holy grail advertising the ‘latest’ in portable consoles. I mean, how many more of these things are they gonna release? Just stick to one or two, guys (and maybe bring back the Tamagotchi for nostalgia’s sake). So, there I was staring at this massive waterfall of choices: Steam Deck, Rog Ally, PS Vita, and of course, the good ol’ Switch.
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The Steam Deck looks like something out of a Star Trek episode. It’s beefy, and you kind of expect someone to yell, ‘Beam me up, Scotty,’ every time you boot it up. But boy, those games look sharp on it. Also, am I the only one who’s a bit worried about lugging it around without feeling like you’re flaunting a brick under your arm?
Then there’s the Rog Ally. Who names these things? Sounds like a high school nerd group. Anyway, it’s slick, and honestly, the graphics make your eyes do a double-take. It’s a bit of a high-maintenance diva though, always needing some tweak or update (reminds me of my PC’s constant need for attention).
I’ll admit, the PS Vita is that ‘ex’ we haven’t gotten over. You know it’s got a few things to offer, but it’s kind of like pulling out a flip phone and there’s a certain charm that gets you misty-eyed. Some cry ‘Retro!’ others say ‘Why bother?’ But who am I to judge? People still buy vinyl.
And then the Switch. Ah, like an old reliable friend. Sure, it’s not a powerhouse, but there’s a comfort in its familiarity. Plus, anything that lets me play Mario Kart on a flight gets bonus points. I mean, check out some crazy lists of gadgets people carry around!
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Honestly, with all of this in mind, choosing one to buy in 2024 feels like picking a ‘what type of bread’ at a hipster bakery. Do I want ‘gluten-free’ speed, ‘artisan’ nostalgia, or just something I can snack on without spilling crumbs everywhere? My head hurts. But hey, maybe I’ll just pick up a book and show the world how retro gaming should be done. Anyway, my eyes still hurt. I need coffee. Ugh.