So, I’m scrolling through this random list of tech, and there it was: the Xbox Handheld. Yes, you read that right. Xbox has decided to come out swinging with its very own version of a handheld console. And the name? ROG Xbox Ally. Catchy, right? (Or maybe just a mouthful.) I almost snorted my coffee reading it because, seriously, the handheld space is like that wild west of gaming no one dares to touch unless they’re Nintendo. But here we are.
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I mean, honestly, I didn’t even know Xbox had a reason to try this. Usually, they’re all about those heavy-duty consoles that take up half your living room. I assume this is their sassy clap-back to the Switch and maybe some creeping envy of how everyone seems to cuddle their Steam Decks like they’re the last Tamagotchi. Anyway, the ROG Xbox Ally (which sounds like something you’d only understand if you’re in some elite gaming squad) is really just that — Xbox trying to get a piece of the pie they’ve been watching from the sidelines.
Alright, picture this: you’re on the train, and instead of staring awkwardly at the old guy drooling across from you, you’re deep-diving into the world of Halo or, I dunno, some obscure underground indie game no one else was cool enough to hear about yet. I’m all for the portability factor. Lugging my Xbox around everywhere I go is exhausting—figuratively and literally. So, having one that fits in my backpack? Yes, please.
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But you know what cracks me up? The name sounds like you’re suddenly gonna be best buds with a piece of hardware. Like, ‘Hey, meet my Ally, Xbox.’ Pretty sure my console just became my gaming therapist slash BFF. Maybe it’ll be there to emotionally support me when I miss that obnoxiously easy jump in-game. Not that I’d ever admit to that happening (wink).
Anyway, I’ve not gotten my hands on it, but from what I gather, this thing could be pretty decent. What worries me, though, is that Xbox has this knack for sometimes over-promising in the coolest trailers, but let’s be honest, the real thing might just be… underwhelming. Time will tell, right? My eyes still hurt. I need coffee. Ugh.