I was just mindlessly scrolling through game news, and bam! I land on a list of the top 10 upcoming strategy games of 2024. Who knew 2024 would be the year everyone suddenly decided to outthink each other on digital battlefields? It’s like strategy is the new black or something.
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So, yeah, strategy games. It’s not like I’m bitter because I can’t play them without turning into a stressed-out mess. The thing about these games is that they’ve got the wildest plots. ‘Age of Wonders: Planetfall 2’ is on the list, apparently. Just when I thought we’d explored every possible scenario involving intergalactic empires and laser battles, someone’s like, ‘Let’s add talking, sentient biomes!’ Of course, because why not, right? Perfect sense.
I’m no psychic, but I bet the upcoming ‘Silicon Siege’ will have us fighting in some weird, dystopian tech landscape. Imagine being at war in a giant server farm (because that’s exactly what I want to do after a long day of staring at my laptop). And ‘Medieval Masterminds’? How long before we’re using trebuchets to launch cows at castles again? It feels like this cycle will never die. I saw some of these delightful prospects in a random article, and seriously, who decides these are the plots we need?
Another twist is the supposedly ‘epic’ ‘Atomic Armies’, a nuclear winter strategy obsession. You’ll basically be tasked with surviving and rebuilding in a post-nuke world. Because mild anxiety was so 2023, we need full-on existential crises to keep things spicy.
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And then there’s ‘Civ Conundrum’. As if managing a pretend civilization isn’t stressful enough, now you throw in moral dilemmas. What happens when your city runs out of resources, and you’re offered a ‘shady but lucrative’ business deal by some character looking suspiciously like a politician from the future? Good luck making ethical decisions.
Also, ‘Galactic Governor’. I can already see myself trying to wrangle alien diplomacy while my real-life plants die from neglect. Side note: if the aliens in this game look remotely like the day’s batch of horror movies, expect me to be nightlight-dependent for a week.
Honestly, it’s like designers took all the leftover plot ideas from the last few decades, mixed them in a blender, and somehow pitched it as ‘new and exciting.’ Do I want to play some of these? Maybe. But if we’re talking fierce strategizing, my level is more ‘do I eat another slice of pizza or save it for tomorrow?’
My eyes still hurt. I need coffee. Ugh.